How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
