Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize