that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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