It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
