After last night, I could never be a politician.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
