woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
