So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
