Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
