at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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