Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize