I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize