Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
