I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
