it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
