Dual....:-)
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
