dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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