Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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