I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize