onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
