Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My balls are so social today.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Did I show you my penis last night?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
