so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
