I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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