I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize