so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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