Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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