my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
