So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
