Dual....:-)
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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