yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
