You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
