i love accidental penises.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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