Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
should my penis look like a turkey
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
