I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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