Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
