Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
