After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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