This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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