I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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