He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
