it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
