so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
