By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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