I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well I just put wine in my tea
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
