Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
