I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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