..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
