Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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