Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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