he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
