2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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