i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
