I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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