Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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