i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
