you guys were way drunker than both of me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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