a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
