she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
