i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
