They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
