I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
