Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
