FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
