Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
