I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
