brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
