The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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