The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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