Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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