We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
God, I missed his penis.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
