she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
