We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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