I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
