If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
