I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize