This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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