Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
