there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
