Can Purell be used as lube?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
