If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
