no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
