high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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