I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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