nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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