What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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