Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
as a side note pls kill me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
