Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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