i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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