Cold hands, warm shart.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
