I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
