in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Slut skills are useful in every country.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
