from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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