I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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