Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
