Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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