Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
