So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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