where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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