Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize