i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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